One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
