Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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