Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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