"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
