I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
