so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
