I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
