i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize