I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My penis needs a shock collar
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
