We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
