haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
