I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
