note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
