Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
