i permit you to call me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
