I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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