i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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