a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
now i know why i became what i already was.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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