Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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