Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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