is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
