we have pet lesbian snakes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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