Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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