There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
