Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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