margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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