Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
