I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
do nipples grow back?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
