i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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