and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
