I wish I only lived at night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
