And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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