i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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