If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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