i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
As shirtless as possible
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
