just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
