college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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