Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
