On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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