Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
