I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
