I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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