I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
