Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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