duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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