Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
