This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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