dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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