I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
