$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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