Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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