She announced her abortion via fbk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
