I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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